if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
