i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
