so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
