Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
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i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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