I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
