It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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