yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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