I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
