dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
