I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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