Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She needs sedatives and a leash
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Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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