Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
