she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
