I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
