Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i think i just lost a toe
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
