Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
