Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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