Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
