I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
