her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
