my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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