It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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