you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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