You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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