I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
