Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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