he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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