well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
