Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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