Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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