so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I had to cum in my sink.
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