I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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