Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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