i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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