Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just invented taco cereal.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
