Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
