you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
