it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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