i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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