the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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