Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
