Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
