I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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