im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
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I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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