I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
