i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
