saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize