Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
