Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
