I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
