I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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