your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
