I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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