girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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