i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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