Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Randomize
