if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
