That's when you crack a 10am beer
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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