I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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