My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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