Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
