i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
