I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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