I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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